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A disappointment

Imagine being constantly treated like you did something wrong or that you were a bad kid and not knowing what you did wrong. Disappointing them even when you’ve given it your all.
Years afters years, when you still cripple under the fear of disappointing them. Never being enough. Never being good enough. Not being able to live up to their expectations of a good kid.
Sure, they love you. They’re only human too so they make mistakes too but is it that hard to notice when you’re killing your kid with all the negative energy you’re giving her? Is it not noticeable when you’re the reason your kid is going through depression? Is it not noticeable when her happy-go-lucky personality is changed into a depressing one?
I don’t want to blame them, but I do.

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Stolen Heart

They met.

She laughed
He fell in love.
He spoke,
She gave him her heart.

Something happened

She took it back.
He hesitated but gave it back

He left.
She realized,
He still had her heart. 

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Expectations and Their Side effects

The thing about expectations is that when they arent met, they can hurt alot of people. And that look people give you, the way they talk to you afterwards reminds you how much of a disappointment you are. And trust me when I say, there isnt a feeling worse than that. You’d probably feel really bad if someone said shit to you and called you names but the minute that person says ‘Im disappointed in you”, for a minute your whole world comes to a standstill.

So when your parents tell you everyday and remind you everyday how much of a disappointment you’ve been, you wish you’d never been born.
But you reach the lowest low when you’re friends hint it too.
So not only do your parents think you’re a disappointment but your friends too. Why the fuck are you still even smiling?

And all of these things happen because people expect. No expectations, no disappointments.

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Fumbletumble Stumbles

Friends are important. We all know that. No one denies their significance in our lives. But you never really realize how much you’ll miss a friend untill they stop being your friend.

Imagine talking to someone everyday about every single thing that goes on in your life and then one day that person just decides to leave. They know about the things going on in your life before anyone else does. They’ve been through all your mental breakdowns with you, all those nights PMS-ing. They were there every single night and day, made you laugh and even cry sometimes. One of the very few people who really know you inside out.
So when a friend like that leaves,  it sort of hurts. More than anyone can imagine. Its worse than losing a lover because sometime along the way, that friend becomes more than that. Its so pure, what you to have, that you dont want to ever lose that by trying to make it something more.

I realized, there is a very fine line between being bestfriends and being something more.

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Ocean of Change

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Swept away in an ocean of change
I’ve let myself fall victim to sorcery;
He bathe me with glitters
And that’s why I might shine
But I’m pitch black inside.
Scratch the surface and you’ll see the abyss in which I live.
Stare into it and you’ll be dragged in.

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Collaborating With a 6-Year Old

This is so amazing. I wish I had someone who would have encouraged me about painting without making it seem like a job. I know how it feels. Its really amazing how she is handling this situation

busy mockingbird

A few years have gone by since I collaborated with our then 4-year old…  And on occasion, people will ask me if we could do more.

outer face

Sometimes we still do.  It’s more of a casual thing.  I’ll toss her a page and say, “here are a few heads if you feel like sketching,” usually when she’s bored or looking for something to do.

Sometimes they turn out okay, and I try new things with them, making little pendants or doodles.  But mostly, it’s just a fun little pasttime.sometimes we do

On occasion, she still adds a body to a face I’ve done, and it turns out pretty well…

sometimes-zissou

For the most part, though, to be honest:  the main reason we don’t always collaborate is that she’s busy doing her own thing!  She’s FIERCELY creative.  She throws herself into her art desk and is consumed with scissors, staples, and tape, making…

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Whats The Point?

I hear them talk, I read what they write but its just so full of bullshit it feels like its another language.

I know im in my teens and so no matter how mature I think I am, I am not. But its sort of sad knowing that everyone around you is stupider than they look. They act old, they talk old and they even pretend to be old but they arent actually old. I mean I really dont get it. How can they possibly think they’re mature and think they have all their shit together when everything that comes out of their mouths is utter bullshit? Everything they think, everything they say; its all so nasty and cheap. All those things they care about…about what dress that girl wore, the way some girl danced at some party, about how some girl is dating a senior. Why should these things matter at all? Whats there to talk about? Will talking about these save the world or cure cancer? Is talking about other people going to bring world peace?
I just dont get it.

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Reverie

Sometimes I think about all the hypocritical, narcissistic and ungrateful things people do everyday and smile to myself.
Have you ever thought about how much nicer our lives would have been if it didnt have all these fucking hypocrites walking around with absolute freedom?

You keep saving their little asses and they keep pretending like they care. And then the one time you’re unable to save their tiny little ungrateful ass, they turn on you and tell you what a selfish person you’ve been all this time. Over and over again they will tell you off and make you feel like you’ve been the worst friend the world has ever seen and at the same time they expect you to save their ass. That’s when it makes you wonder, “Why am I even trying help this ungrateful little ass?”
Then you remember. Its because you’re a naive forgiving fool. Its because you’re a pushover. And sadly, you will continue down this path while fully knowing that you have been down this path a thousand times before. But you will still walk a thousand miles on these very thorny paths, ’cause well, thats who you are.

Some might call it naivety, others,  foolishness. But they’re actually just two sides of a coin.
We dont learn. We never do.
People are ungrateful and they always will be. They will push you down time and time again. But its up to us how we decide to deal with it. Will you be the kind of person who will take an eye for an eye or will you be the person who gets back up and gives them a warm smile?
The world will be a rainbow and a nightmare. It all just perspective.

Try to look at the rainbow. It makes your life a thousand times nicer 🙂

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Contentment in Discontentment

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Being content. The word ‘Content’ might be something us humans came up with, but trust me when i say we have no idea what it means. Always asking for more, always wanting more. We’re as unsatisfied as the desert.

People say life is about being content and being happy with what you have. But its all easier said than done. We want what we cant have and have what we dont want (atleast at that very moment).Asking for freedom from someone who gave you love and then asking for love when he gave you that freedom. It makes me laugh, really.
We dont know the value of the things we have. We probably never will. And thats why its so sad.