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Silent Cry

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She looked up at the sky as she called out for him. She knew he wouldn’t come, but a tiny part of her still hoped he’d come flying towards her. She still hoped he’d carry her in his arms and show her the world from afar. She still hoped he’d sing her that song. Still hoped he’d kiss her on her cheeks as she snuggled in his arms.
She smelled his scent although he wasnt there, she heard his voice although he wasnt talking to her and she felt his touch…

She looked away as a tear rolled down her cheeks. It had finally dawned on her what she had done. 6 months had passed and she finally wanted to cry.

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Lets Stop Pretending

Thinking you know yourself is the biggest mistake you can ever make. I, for one, definitely dont know who i am.

I used to think im good at consoling people when they are sad, that im good at dealing with emotions. But really, i suck at it. ‘Cause when it when came down to dealing with a problem, i failed.
I dont know what to say. I dont know what to do. And here i was always laughing at my sister for sucking at it. I remember her friend was once going through some kind of boyfriend crisis and she was crying. And there she was, my sister, right beside her smiling a hopeless smile at me and eating noodles. I laughed so much.

I thought i’d be able to handle it better if or whenever any of my girlfriends went through that. I couldnt be any more delusional. My friend, Hoppetty was going through a bad break up and i was there, on the other side of the chat box with a frown that said ‘i dont know what to do’ sitting on my big fat ass. I actually called up another friend of mine to to call Hoppetty and talk to her. I mean, thats just shitty.

And that when i really realized, Egola was right. I really would make a bad psychologist. He was right when he said i suck at dealing with emotions. And he has known me for just over a month.

Listen to others and dont bark at everyone who gives you some constructive critisizm. We arent perfect, so why pretend to be?

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Love For an Old Love.

Break ups. It changes so many things for soo many people.
You stop talking to his friends or his friends stop talking to you. Or vice versa. But either ways, its not and i doubt if it ever will be, all that pleasant. Apart from constantly feeling rejected the other most dreaded feeling would be guilt.
At first you’re going to blame him for it. Tell yourself and everyone else how it was all his fault and you didnt have much to do about it and how it was hard for you to do it. But after weeks of trying to console and convince yourself and failing epically you realize it might have been your fault. You start realizing that maybe, just maybe he was the faithful one and you werent. Then slowly that ‘maybe’ turns into the truth and you look at the things he gave you and hate yourself for what you did. Hate yourself for falling out of love, hate yourself for breaking all those promises, hate yourself for not being there for him and lastly you hate yourself for loosing a great friend.
I read in some book a while back how there are different kinds of love. I still love my ex maybe not the way i used to but i still do. Most people forget the moments and memories they shared with that person when they break and all they think about are the fights and the bad times. But maybe it shouldnt be that way. I mean, dont people realize how that relationship has taught them soo much? Why do people fail to see the good that came out from it. That band that you started listening to because of him, that place you discovered with him, those late night intellectual fights over superman and batman. Why should we forget any of that?
I refuse to see the glass as half empty. Sure it didnt end well but i learnt alot and i was happy. Life was crazy but it was worth it. If i regret anything it was not appreciating him enough.
I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago and from that day till now i have tried to hate him, blame him and make him seem like the bad guy. But it didnt take me long to realize it wasnt his fault, it was mine. Truth is, he wasnt he bad guy, i was.

This one’s for all those people who have wronged their exes. You can lie to the whole world but you cant lie to yourself.
Go to your ex and tell them you’re sorry. Tell them they deserve better. I know mine does.

Ps-I hope he finds happines. 🙂

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A Long Awaited Reply

“More than kisses, letters mingle souls.”
Dear Lady Frog,

I heard what you said last night, about me not sending you a letter and I put some real thought into it. This is the least you deserve. I don’t know why this feels like a really difficult one to write. As you know I’m not a writing person. So, this is very hard for me. To be honest with you, I didn’t know where this would go when I started dating you. I guess you know that, but the point is that the more I came to know about you the more you dazzled me. You’re this really smart, kind and beautiful girl. I got the chance to know you. And now you shook my world. I sometimes wonder how did I, a guy like me, get you. You’re too good. I know that’s no where close to describing how amazing you are but I’ll keep it simple and put a stop on that. Sorry! So, I believe you’re too good for me. I feel like this really lucky bastard who won a million dollar lottery. Well, winning over you meant a lot more then that. Just when I think I actually know you. You seem to somehow surprise me. I’ve absolutely no idea how you do that over and over again. You have no idea how much I love you and want to be with you. You don’t! I might give you just a hint of it at times but it will come really surprisingly so be prepared. I really do love you with all my heart and soul. I don’t know what the sentence actually means but for me it means that I would not watch my favorite team’s final match for you. I know there is no relationship between you two but I can’t seem to find a better way to put it down. I can’t stop myself from wondering and I wonder at times what I would actually do without you. So I came up with an answer I really won’t be happy at all. I really want to be happy and you make me happy so you have to be with me. No other choice. And I’ll make you happy that’s my first priority. Don’t worry. I’m gonna be fucked real hard in the ass if you leave me. So, don’t you worry about me leaving you, okay? I really wish I can read your mind at times and make you really happy. Give you all the happiness and love. ‘Cause no matter what I do it just isn’t enough. I love you a lot, Lady Frog. I really do. I love you so much that it’s scary at times. You know the things you wrote on the diary? I can’t stop reading them. The last few pages you wrote mean a lot to me. I had no idea I meant that much to you. It feels amazing when you tell me how much you love me and how much I mean to you. So please do try to write that on the next letter. No matter how many times you tell me, it will always get my heart pounding hard.

Did I ever tell you how much I love talking to you? I guess I did but still, abar shuno (Let me tell you again). I love talking to you. I can’t sleep if I don’t talk to you properly. When you come and call me right after you come from school although you’re really tired. I love that. Even if I’m really sad, that would definitely change my mood. And you know that thing you do like right after we are done talking? You just call and tell me that you miss me and you love me a lot and kiss me. That makes me so happy. Oh god! I really can’t express it. Your ‘Hey’ can light me up and change my mood and I know I said this before. And I know you know most of the things I wrote here. Ki korbo? (What can I do?) You know most of the things about me. I won’t say all.

Okay so I can go on and on about these little things but I should stop now. I’ll write you another letter as soon as you reply so don’t worry. I love you my Hijabi princess, my Lola, my baby my everything. I know that was really lame but couldn’t stop myself from writing that. Please pore (later) don’t tell me I said that and lojja dio na (Dont tease me) please. I tried not to be too gooey cause you can do it very well and you’ve to do it. And if I do it, it turns out to be very lame and I can’t seem to find the right words otherwise. I love you so much baby and I want you to take care of me. I should stop now. Wrote a lot of stuff.

“Take care till my next letter” I remember you wrote that in the last letter. What I want you to do is take care of me. I’m all yours, I’m your baby after all. Haha. And I’ll take care of you. So, don’t worry about that. Eta bolar jinish na. (Its not something worth mentioning)

Sincerely,
Your Mr. Frog

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Overlooked Hypocrisy

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Everyone’s a backstabbing, lying prick.

You know how sometimes you go and be nice to someone and you try to help them see the ugly truth about something and they’re all like, ‘Oh my god! I have been so blind. Thank you so much!’ And then just when you’re feeling good about yourself for helping a friend, they go and say and do things that do not make sense. They do the same things they did before, say the same things they used to. Almost everything remains unchanged. But somehow they find a way to make your life a little bitter.

All that energy gone to waste.
Honestly speaking, I couldn’t care less about the energy. But its the fact that they would use you to be on the good books of someone else. Why pretend to agree with me in the first place when you know you’re just going to stab my back later? :\

This really isn’t an age for kindness. People pretend and pretend and they lie. That’s all they do. I honestly don’t get how their minds work. If you’re really willing to waste so much energy bad mouthing and backstabbing other people, then why aren’t you willing to do something nice to them? Does being nice hurt that much?

You know how people say, ‘If you cant say something nice, don’t say anything at all’ They say right. If you really don’t agree with something or someone, keep it to yourself. If you think something horrible is going to happen to someone, keep it to yourself. ‘Cause there’s clearly no point in trying to help other people.

We expect kindness from random strangers on the street while asking for the directions, but we ourselves are not kind to the people close to us. Doesn’t anyone see the hypocrisy?

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When The Glass Is Empty

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The people closest to you always say the most hurtful things.

You tell them all your fears and all those things that tick you off the most. Things that people tell you and you feel like punching their faces out. You tell them all those tiny things that you dont want other people to say to you and they pretend like they understand and assure you that you’re nothing like what other people say you are. But end of the day, they’re the ones doing the same shit. They’re the ones calling you names, they’re the ones saying the cheap things that you feared you’d have to hear again. The things you expect from everyone else but them.

They tell you you’re spineless and that you should stand up for your self more. And when you do stand up for yourself against something they say, they call it ‘Talking back’. Everyone’s perspective on things always changes when it concerns themselves. Its sad, if you ask me.

I wont say the world is cruel; just the people living inside it. :\ I’ve always tried to live life with the glass-is-half-full attitude but sometimes no matter how you look at it, the glass is just empty.

 

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A Letter to Someone Special

A Thousand letters wouldn't be enough :)

A Thousand letters wouldn’t be enough 🙂

Dear Amazing boyfriend,

Okay so I know this is completely random. But I Love you, Mr. Froggy. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you. And probably never will. I hope I don’t. I love what we have and I cherish it.

You know those late night calls, when we just keep talking? People ask me what we talk about and how two people can talk so much. But little do they know, how amazing you are  If they did, they would never be saying that. You made me laugh so many times I lost count!  You make me blush like Usui makes Misaki blush. You make me forget what I was about to say just by looking into my eyes.

I’ve never felt this before. Felt how I feel for you. Never thought I’d actually be able to relate to those love songs

You make me cry, you make me angry like crazy. But at the end of the day, I always love you more. We get closer at the end of every fight. I love you more every day. Every second with you is precious. Every time we meet feels like the first. Every time you hold my hand, I get a thousand butterflies inside. Every time, we kiss, I die a peaceful death and every time you look at me with those penetrating eyes,  I feel like I can stay in your arms forever.

When we first started dating, I thought we weren’t gonna last. I had no problem thinking abt life without you. But now, after all this time, after sharing those precious moments with you, I cant even think abt thinking  about life without you. You made my life a better one. You made it prettier and much more happier. A day without talking to you makes me feel like I could explode.

I could spend  every minute of the day with you, but it still wouldn’t be enough. You make me want to love you more. ‘Cause no matter how much I love you, it just isn’t enough.

I love you more than words can say, I love you more than anyone ever has (Except for your parents :3)

I can go hours and hours abt how special you are to me, but I might disgust you with all my gooey feelings so Im going to stop now.

Take Care till my next letter
Sincerely,
Your loving girlfriend,
Lola ❤

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My Superman

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I loved it when you hugged me
Love it when you kissed me
You gave me goose bumps when you held me
And even managed to make me giggle when you spanked me
There hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought about you
Hasn’t been a day I didn’t miss you
But I somehow managed to pull through
‘Cause I knew I’ll soon be with you
I meet you in my dreams
Just to steal a little kiss
But just as I close my eyes
My mom comes and makes me hiss
You once told me
How you would hold me
And never let go of me
All because I said you mean a lot to me
But I guess I forgot to say, “You mean the world to me”
We fight all the time
‘Cause you say I laugh like a swine
You criticize my taste
Even while you’re holding my waist
You swear you’re not lying to me
When I ask you if you’re mad at me
You laugh when its not funny
And scowl when its so silly
You make me blush
When you say my name
And so I forget to flush
Sorry, that was a little lame
I guess what I’m trying to say is..
You’re not just some hero with a red underwear
Not just someone who flies around in despair
You’re that guy who pays the rickshaw fare
And says that he loves me and that he cares
You’re MY superman
My super cuddly bear!
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Love is like a Shoe

cute-hearts-shoes-Favim.com-306849You know how sometimes when you see a shoe at a shop and it makes you want to buy it right away! Makes you want to snuggle it to sleep. Makes you want to never use it but just stare at it the whole day. And when you finally get it, you feel like the happiest person on this earth.

But the thing with shoes is that, sometimes you’re just unlucky. Sometimes the shoe’s just defected or your mom won’t let you buy it. So you end up buying a different one. One everyone approves of. It might not be as good as the one you saw at first, or could even be better and even though you know, you’d buy the old one if someone offered it to you again, you buy the new one. But even then, you can’t quiet get over how perfectly the first one fit you. How perfect it looked when you wore it. You wear the new one pretending that its better than the first one. Because that’s all you can do.

Well, and love or what ever you call it, is a lot like that.

You find that person one day and feel like you can spend your whole life with that one person. Kiss them. Hug them. Talk to them even when you have nothing to talk about. Meet that person, if only to stare at them. You just want to be with them. As long as possible. But like shoes, you can’t always have what you want. Something goes wrong. You see the defect. You try to ignore the defect for a long time and then you realize its just not worth it. And you try to move on. Find someone else. You try to convince yourself that this time its different. This time the guy’s better. But time and time again, you think about him. Try to remember how you felt when you were with him. And imagine what would have happened if you tried to make it work. The same way you wonder what it would feel like to wear the shoe you fell in love with at the first sight of it. You dwell on the thought for a while but then you forget it. Start moving on with the new person.  The new shoe you bought.

And its not just love. Life is like that as well. We always wants the things we can’t have. We only realize how important something is after we lose it. But I think its time we realize that when you can’t get what you love, you have learn to love the things you’ve got.